Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
...so i touched it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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