i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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