He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Success! We fucked roommates!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
