I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
