Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
