I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
