I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
