i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
