Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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