So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
