This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
