the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
