Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
