My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
