So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
