If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
