I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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