Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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