woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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