The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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