I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
