it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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