Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want her autograph on my taint
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
