Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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