I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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