nut hugger
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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