well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
