Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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