I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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