I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
