i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
