Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
