i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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