I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
