watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
