i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No subtext here. People are naked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
