I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
even my farts smell like vagina
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
