remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
