His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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