I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
