I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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