Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
