I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
