He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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