If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
