We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
