Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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