I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
