Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
