i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
