Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
