Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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