i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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